Images of God & Self

Last week a friend was sharing with me about how God used her to bring together a woman who had cancer and a man who God has given the gift of healing. He prayed over her and two weeks later the doctors declared her cancer free. Baruch Hashem! (praise God).

She was sharing with me that she is just stunned that she was given the privilege of being a small part of this miracle. And that she was struggling with what God wanted her to do now.

This conversation reminded me a few things that I would like to share with you all.

Encounters with God like this always affect us. They assault our image of God and also our image of ourselves. Maybe we are doubtful that God can move in this way and then suddenly we are confronted with proof that He indeed, at least on occasion, does! Suddenly God becomes mystery again. We thought that we had Him figured out and then He throws us for a loop. Or maybe we think that we are not worthy to see or participate in such things.

"Who am I to be used in such a way?" we ask ourselves.

This kind of assault on our images of God and self can be very unsettling. A very common response to this is to try to gain control of it; we want to figure it out. God has jumped out of the box and we want to find a new and improved box to put Him into. The reason for this is it feels safe. If we understand God and how He acts and we know who we are, then we can feel like we have control of the situation.

To quote C.S. Lewis in the Chronicles of Narnia, "He is not a tame lion."

My encouragement for all of us who experience such things is to resist the temptation to try to control it and figure it out. Let God be mystery, for this is what He is. We miss out on many blessings and opportunities for spiritual growth when we do try to "figure it all out".

God calls us to be open and available to Him. Beginners on the spiritual path think that they are the initiators. This is a form of control and a way of holding back. As long as we control the encounters and set the agenda, we can steer away from anything that makes us feel uncomfortable or uneasy.

A few years ago I was teaching a class on spiritual disciplines. A person approached me and said that he would like to come to the class but he was too afraid of what God might say or ask of him. I gently encouraged him to try the class but he never came. Many of us live like this, holding God at arm's length, afraid to get too close.

If anyone continues on a serious spiritual quest for God, eventually he or she will be confronted by God demanding that He be in control of the relationship. It is at this point that we realize that He is the initiator and we are the responders. This is a more mature way of walking with God (and also more freeing and joyful!)

When you have these miraculous encounters with God, resolve yourself to being open and just take in the experience. Don't try to analyze it, diagnose it, pack it in a box and wrap it up tight. Just let it be.

Also, use the experience to explore what God may be wanting to show you about Himself or yourself. Ask him these two questions:

"God, how do you want me to see You in light of this event? How should my image of you change?"

"God, how do you see me? Do I have distorted images of who I am that you want to expose and heal?"